You're part of the Normandy too
by Charsier
Summary: Starts at the rift between ME and ME2. Joker x FemShep. M for language, adult themes and future smut.
1. Chapter 1

Yeah, there weren't many people like Commander Shepard, you sure as hell didn't want to be on her bad side, and a heated argument with her could spell your demise if you met on the battle field. But if you got her nice side... Joker wasn't really sure he knew if she had a nice side, sure he'd seen her chatting with the crew, but nothing really special, no closeness. Anderson had left her the ship, and, well... after that he'd seen her wandering around with a sort of lost look on her face, almost as if she was scared of leading.

However, whenever she walked past the helm, she would flash him a grin, a special grin, their grin. Sometimes it was a face, tongue poking, weird open mouth expressions, especially when she was coming back from a mission with that jerk, Alenko. That guy thought he was such hot shit, Joker knew he got headaches, but he was sure his bones broke more often. Chakwas talked non stop about him and how he was a poor lost soul, and blah blah blah, ugh she should just marry him already, since she liked her men tall, dark and brooding. You'd think his legs were a bit more important than a few headaches. But no... that never stopped her talking about him nonstop while setting whatever he'd broken accidently. His only salvation was Shepard coming in to check up on him, or he'd find a joke 'Get Well Soon' greeting on his omni-tool.

Suddenly his vision went black, hofuck, shitfuckcrap, he was flying a fucking ship for Chris sakes... who the hell... his vision was returned to him, of course, he was so awesome, the Normandy hadn't even moved a micron up or down.

"Heeey Joker." Shepard drawled as she flung her arms over the back of his chair, her fingertips floating above his chest, head cocked to one side. A lazy grin started to spread across her face, and her fingertips began to dance up to his shoulders as she pulled back. He kept his breathing as steady as he could manage, her breath was tickling his neck. She scared him sometimes, coming in like that.

"Commander?" Part of him wanted to ask her if she was drunk, but he knew better than to assume his Commander was anything more than bored. And since she didn't have any close friends on the ship at the time, Joker assumed, he would be the first person she'd come to at... hang on, 3am? Ohhh Jeez...

"Joker..."

"Yes Commander?"

She began to giggle as she ran her hands over his chair, it was kinda... pleathery, like those cheap office chairs back on Earth.

"Jeff..."

He gulped, having no idea what she was thinking, his heart started beating faster at the use of his name and he decided it best if he said no more. He was sure, even at his age, his voice would crack.  
That's when he heard the odd noise, like a strangled gasp, then an unmistakeable sniff...

"Commander... are you... crying?"

That set her off, she started cackling so hard, she began to hit the back of his chair as her body heaved with laughter. He swivelled his chair around slowly, turning to face her. There were tears in her eyes, but, well, from laughing. A big dopey grin spread across her face as she regained her composure, she was wearing her N7 t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants with some cutesy animals on them. He couldn't really see what the animal was, but knowing his Commander, they were Pyjaks or Varren or something.

"So... not crying then...?"

"Oh Jeff..." She let out a huge sigh, followed by a few giggles as she sat herself down in a chair, facing him. "It was supposed to be a sneeze.. it kinda... failed on me though..."

"You came up here to sneeze on me Commander?"

She began absentmindedly picking at some non existent fluff on her pajama pants, yeah, pyjaks... pyjak pajamas... "If that's a problem, I can leave if you like. Jeff."

It suddenly clicked, maybe she was lonely, I mean... middle of the night, coming to see the pilot... using his first name... just... didn't add up.

"Come on Commander, don't tell me you actually came all the way up here just to talk to me. I mean, you've got a pretty busy social schedule to keep and all."

"I'm sorry my social awkwardness doesn't apply to our conversations, Jeff. It's after 3am... would I honestly come up here if I had nothing better to do than sneeze on you? As much fun as that sounds."

"Oh?"

"Something scary has been happening lately..." She glanced around, she'd been doing that a lot lately, as if she was afraid of being watched, or heard.

"Something scary is always happening, Commander. It just depends... why, are there puny pyjaks crawling over you every night just before 3? And you want me to get rid of them? I can't... really get  
out of the chair, remember? What with the Vrolicks' and all." Oh God, he'd mentioned pyjaks...

"Fine, well, someone's been acting... scary lately..."

"Isn't that always? Jeez... am I the only one who knows that you have Commander Shepard; the strong leader, and Scardy Shep; the social retard, locked up inside?"

"I thought, maybe... Jeff... you of all people would understand... understand the inability to communicate with people..." She feigned a dramatic sigh and flopped back in the chair, oh God, he could see some skin between the hem of the N7 shirt and the pyjaks... he bit his lip.

"Hey, just because I'm alone, doesn't mean I'm lonely. Unlike you Commander... seriously, MY company? Must be a hell of a gap you need filled in your life." Gaps and filling... ah Jeez... with the Commander...

"I'm not lonely!" She spat, childlike in her huffiness as she curled into herself as much as she could. He couldn't help but feel she was acting again. Then again, HE was lonely... HE was the one getting all hot and flustered.

"Sure you're not. That's why you're talking to the cripple about scary people."

"Scary person..."

"Oh, it's a person now... Oh come ON Commander, you dodge bullets, you fight some Geth, beat up a few Krogan, take on Turians, challenge Asari to strip poker..."

"Joker." She glared at him from over her crossed arms. Oh dear, she only used his nick-name if she was pissed at him.

"Hey, couldn't hoit, I'm sure Liara's willing."

"Liara..." She got a weird look on her face... like she forgot who Liara was, just for a second. Yeah right she wasn't focusing on the conversation, she was ALWAYS focused.

"The blue one."

"Oh, because I forget she's Asari sometimes, like I forget we're human. Come on Joker..."

"Commander... are you okay...? I thought you were friends with her... and Tali...? Garrus, I can see why you'd avoid him, he's got a pretty big pole up his arse..."

"Joker... Wrex said he's in love with me..."

"And Wrex... well... Wrex is a Krogan, so they're not very friendly... but then again, I'm not very friend- HE WHAT?"

"See... it's scary... Joker... I... I don't know what to do..."

"Oh come ON, first Liara... then Alenko... you turn them down and now the fifty million year old dinosaur guy says he's in love with you...?" He smacked his hands to his face and dragged them down in  
a mock scream. Quietly muttering, "Why does this never happen to me?"

"I TOLD you it was scary!"

Joker rubbed his temple in frustration. Seriously, the dinosaur had... he couldn't believe it.

"Shepard... just go to bed and think about it... for all you know... the entire Normandy could be in love with you, and you'd never know. Except the actual ship is in love with ME. You can't have her."

She sat quietly, looking at her feet, a sullen look on her face.

"The entire Normandy...? Jeff... I just want..." She suddenly turned a bright shade of red. Gah, she was so slow sometimes, what did she think he meant?

"Ah crap, I didn't mean it like that... She's your ship too. We can share her. Make her scream a little, that sort of thing."

Shepard turned an even brighter shade of red. Only virgins blush like that, sure she was socially awkward, but not enough to still be a virgin... surely... at her age... whatever it was...

"Jeff... can I tell you a secret?" Shepard leant in close, and beckoned him to do the same.

"Mmmf-"

The kiss startled him more than it should have, and he could feel his stomach lurch. No way. No way did his Commander just do that... oh.. God... still doing... her tongue slipped between his lips almost straight away, quickly wrapping around his, while both her hands sat passively in her lap. He wanted to touch her, but something held him back. He found the strength to fight back with his own tongue and as she broke away, she slowly and purposefully licked his cheek.

"You're part of the ship too." She whispered in his ear, he could hear her grin in her voice.

Another kiss was planted on his forehead, and with that, she got up and left him.

It wasn't until she'd finally left the CIC, that he could let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding, and gently touch his lips... the nerves were on fire, just his own touch felt amazing. Of course it had been a long time... okay... a very long time... he felt his cheeks burning, he felt like he couldn't breathe and his hands were shaking. He turned his chair to face the void, and had never been so distracted in his life.

The next couple of days were excruciating, Shepard had buried herself in missions, and he could swear she was ignoring him on purpose. He felt as if he'd been played this whole time, the jokes, the awkward shyness, the pain she caused overriding the thoughts he had of her, especially late at night thoughts. The extranet did nothing for him now, well, especially right now, since he was browsing it, rather slowly... what he wouldn't give to see HER naked... aww shit... now was seriously not the right time to be thinking about that, especially since they were in Geth space.

Geth space... Pressley was bitching about not finding anything, well, it had better stay that way, then again, Shepard wouldn't speak to him... something had better happen...

"I'm picking something up on the scanners... it looks like a cruiser."

Oh here we go, something's happening... Joker closed the extranet window and checked up on the ship... that... was NOT the Geth... fuck... fuck... they were firing, oh shitfuck.

"It's not the Geth!" He yelled desperately. "Prepare for evasive manoeuvres!"

He fell into a trance, his ship was being destroyed, his entire livelihood depended on his ship, his baby... his... oh GOD they were coming back for another attack...

"Mayday! Mayday! This is the SSV Normandy! We're receiving fire from an unknown enemy!"

"Joker!" He felt a hand on his shoulder, it was Shepard... why now... why now?

"No! I can still save her!" He could feel his despair welling up, his job, his life, his everything could be taken away, she was still functioning, or at least he thought she was.

"Don't throw your life away, Joker! Come on!"

"Fine..." She went to help him, when an explosion rocked the helm, she tugged on his arm to get him standing, and put an arm around his waist. God she was strong, his feet left the ground for a moment and she half carried him out to the escape pods. His cheeks were burning, she'd come to save him... she was saving him.

"Shepard..."

"Not now Joker, we're dead if we don't get out of here." She clutched his waist a little more, they'd reached the escape pods, and she practically threw him in. God, he was going to take her in the pod, he never knew she could be that rough. He found himself getting a little excited... he knew he'd hate himself for the rest of his life if he didn't reach out to grab her. Just as he started reaching for her, the hull was breached, and the enemy ship's beam had thrown Shepard off balance, he knew she wasn't going to make it. His heart dropped.

"SHEPARD!" He screamed as she hit the button to launch the remaining escape pod. The door closed, and shot off on it's predetermined course, but he kept his eyes glued to her... there was something wrong... the Normandy began to break apart and sink towards the planet below, and Shepard... she was falling too... he could see her flailing, and then falling into the gravity of the planet... before long, she was nothing more than a spec. There was nothing he could do as his slid to the floor, he heard a snapping in his legs, but he didn't care. He leant back, and felt the tears stinging as they threatened to spill from his eyes. She was dead... and he really wished it had been him falling toward the planet with his ship.

Letting out a strangled cry, he found the tears flowing freely as he wished she was with him right now... he wouldn't have stopped loving her, the feeling from before found it's way back to his mind. There was so much he would have told her, so many ways he would have held her, and it would have been worth the fractured pelvis and broken thighs. Would she go easy on him? Would she be gentle? He could only imagine, and as his hand slid over the side of his waist where she'd held him, he began to shake... she'd held him tighter... was that kiss just a joke? What did she mean by he was 'part of the ship'? Did that mean she wanted him?

He ran his hand over his hip and shuddered, no-one had ever touched him like she had, and he always made a point of getting around by himself, so human contact was a rare thing. He bit his lip and sighed. It's not like he ever got any further than that kiss with her... why did he think he could get more...


	2. Chapter 2

He was the only pilot she could have ever asked for, it had only been a few hours, but he was the only friendly, familiar face she'd seen. No-one had told her what had happened to the Normandy, no-one had told her she'd been dead for two years... but Joker, he told her everything in the station's mess over a can of beer, and her, a cup of tea, up to and including the fact her face was now covered in scars, scars that seemed to glow. Why didn't she look in a mirror first? Put on a bit of makeup...

"Great, so I'm some sort of mutant zombie thing...?"

"A gorgeous mutant zombie..." He covered his mouth to try and hide the words he'd already said... was he drunk already? Joker wasn't normally this open...? "Ah... shit... Commander..."

Hang on a second, was her adorable pilot blushing? She reached for his hand, and could feel it quivering at her touch. She begun to think it had been something he had been doing lately, then she realised, years had already passed for him, years without her... she soured a bit at the thought. He was an attractive man, and she was sure he'd broken hearts, she was sure he'd break her heart...

"So... how have the years been treating you? You're certainly not a zombie."

"Ah... I wondered if and when you'd ask about that, Commander... Well, my bones are at least twice the strength they were when you saw me last, and Dr. Chakwas has been getting me to do some workouts... of course... ones that tie in with my regular work out sessions..." He flexed his impressive arms, she could see he'd greatly improved his muscle groups while she'd been dead... she longed to run her hands over him, to feel how strong he'd become... No! Bad Shepard! Be professional! For now...

"Anything interesting happen in your life?"

"Yeah, well, for one, I can actually dance... without the sound of snapping shin bones... as I found out accidentally while Chakwas and I were having a regular piss up at her place on Mars."

"Sounds like you hung out with Chakwas a lot then..." Oh God, she hoped she didn't sound jealous... she did, it was obvious... crap. "See any of the old crew?"

"Come on Commander... they didn't get the news you were alive as quickly as I did... but everything kinda fell apart without you and they... just... moved on... "

"Hmmm... and what about you, Jeff? Did you move on?"

He was quiet for a moment, and his eyes got a little glassy, as he put the hand that had been holding his beer on top of hers. She could feel the impending mushy sentence coming on, but it never came. He gripped her hand tightly, as if trying to tell her everything that had happened.

"Commander..." He let out a sigh. "nothing beats what we had on the Normandy..."

He gave her a shy look, and hid under the brim of his cap. Crap, he needs to stop doing that... She smiled as she remembered how scared he'd been when she covered his eyes. Ah, and the little kiss... she had wanted him to chase her... but if she'd used her hands... the hands he was currently holding.

"Jeff... do you want to... maybe..." she squeezed her eyes shut, God, this was embarrassing... "... maybe..."

"Well, I can't really 'yes or no' a maybe, Commander." He grinned as one of his hands slipped up her arm, steady and strong. "Come with me..."

The station had several sleeping quarters, and she was surprised to see they'd designated a non share room to him. Once inside, he jammed the console. She was terrified, he knew exactly what it was she was after, he knew... he... gestured to the couch...?

"Do you wanna watch some Earth vids? I've been collecting some of the older ones." He handed her a collection of what she assumed were his movies, but that wasn't really what she'd assumed he'd had in mind... especially with the way he'd jammed the door. She ran her tongue over her lips, and had just finished when she realised he'd been watching her. His mouth opened as if he was going to say something... then that adorable pink lit up his cheeks. He sat himself down on the coffee table, and threw his hands into his lap.

"Dammit, Commander... I... just... it's been so long... and... well... you're a girl... woman... and..." One of his hands lifted to grip his thigh, tightly, and continued thickly, "...and I..." he began to breath a little heavier, caught her gaze and began to shiver. "Commander, I..." his gaze dropped back to the hand on his thigh.

"Jane." She interrupted, it was time he said her name, did he even know it? Obviously not, judging by the way he glanced at her. Hell, half the time she forgot it was her name, being called Shepard for nearly two decades, she'd forgotten what it even sounded like, rolling off another's tongue... his tongue... she licked her teeth, anticipating a heated kiss. She could see his chest rising and falling rapidly, and his hands were shaking, she grabbed the one on his leg. "Jeff... are you okay...?"

When he looked up, she was shocked to see his eyes glossy with tears.

"Command- Jane... you're not still dead are you...?"

"Huh... Jeff... what do you mean...?" She grabbed both of his thighs firmly, he gasped, she pulled him forward, and his breath was coming out in short gasps. Shit... was he REALLY okay? She lifted his chin with her hand to study his face, his cheeks were flushed, and several tears had made a fast descent to his surprisingly soft beard. His other hand gripped the one she had on his chin and he brought it up to his cheek.

"...Jane..." He closed his eyes and sighed, a small smile spreading across his lips at the touch of her hand. Suddenly he dropped his hand back to his lap, and leant forward, her hand resting lightly on his shoulder, then running up his neck and the back of his head, teasing the hair at the nape. "Jane..." he whispered her name like a prayer, his lips moved softly, as he murmured her name again and again. More tears falling from his eyes and splashing onto her borrowed civvies. She held him gently, it seemed like he was reliving her death, or something.

"Jeff..." She whispered, he slumped over, pretty much collapsing onto her. In mere seconds his mouth was running over her neck, planting kisses, over whatever skin she had exposed, his left hand slipping up her shirt, grabbing at her breasts. She'd indulged herself in fantasies with Joker before, that was why she'd kissed him, but right now...? This was one of her fantasies in motion... she could feel him grabbing at the back of her bra, and without help he'd unhooked it, her heavy breasts falling out of their constraint. She'd always picked minimizers, just so she could wear normal armour, but here she was, bare in front of the one person least expecting the big surprise, her Lieutenant. But he made no comment as he lifted the shirt over her head, and began kissing her mouth, his hat had somehow come off, and she found his hands guiding hers up and under his shirt, God he was ripped... she yanked his shirt off almost viciously, and pulled him towards her bosom, he groaned as their skin made contact, as one hand gripped his shoulders, and the other sank beneath his trousers.

"Aaah-" He moaned as she began to massage his buttocks. She could feel his arousal pressing into her thigh as he spasmed from each catch and release motion she had going on his left cheek. He began to suck and bite her breasts, groans escaping his mouth as she slipped her hand between his thighs from behind. "-mmmm, Commander..!"

She smiled, he'd always used that as an endearment, even in her fantasies... this was happening... wasn't it? She slipped her hand out of his pants and put one hand on his trembling stomach, and the other gripped his clothed erection, he shuddered. By the wimpers and groans he was emitting, she could swear he was going to come soon. She began to pump him, he was trembling now, weakly holding himself up, over her. She slowly sat up, the couch was hurting her neck, plus Joker looked like he was going to burst, and she wasn't letting him do it like this. Gently pushing him off, she got to her knees between his legs. He'd started to hyperventilate, and was now gripping his own mouth to stop from making noises as she slid his pants off, his erection now springing free. She grinned, he was as hard as a rock, and the precum was streaming steadily, she undid his boots and slipped them gently off his feet. He was now naked.

"I'm going to suck you, Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau." She looked up at him as she kissed his head, his mouth was flapping, and his hands were gripping his thighs again. She grabbed them, and brought them to her breasts, bringing them up onto his thighs, she pushed forward until his cock was safely nestled between them. She could feel him teasing her nipples as she pressed her lips to his head again, slowly parting them and taking him into her mouth.

"Fuck...fuck...shit...fuck...shit...shitshit... ahhh... AHHH... Commander!" he groaned as she let go of his hands to grip his hips, and get a better angle. He groped and pinched her nipples, cupping her breasts as her head bobbed, sinking into the soft flesh each time. She wound her tongue around the tip and teased the tip, one of her hands reaching down to touch her throbbing sex through the clothes. Lifting her head and releasing his cock from her mouth, she moaned breathily;

"Hearing you groaning is making me so wet, Jeff..." She licked his shaft and could feel his balls tightening under her breasts. He huffed and grunted, gripping her hair and breasts firmly.

"FuckIthinkI'mgonnacum... Commander.." She pinched one of his nipples as she fingered herself, he yelped in surprise, "I'm sorry... Jane... Jane... Aaah! Jane-"

She'd swallowed him as much as she could, she could feel his seed spilling in her mouth, and she sucked strongly, swallowing every drop until he was done. She lay back against the foot of the bed and lifted her hips... now... if he'd only do the same for her...

...

Embarrassed, he sat up. She'd really swallowed it all, Jane fucking Shepard... his Commander... he could feel himself getting hard again. Especially since she was now rubbing herself through her trousers, it was seeping through... he slid off the couch and undid her boots, except, instead of ripping off her pants, he took his sweet time, kissing her neck, her clavicles... did they bring her back the woman she was when she died...? Curious, he lifted her arms, to find her armpits hairless, she didn't even smell bad... God, he was so hard again...

"Jeff?" She sounded surprised. His cock twitched in response, no! He was going to make her scream his name... scrape her nails down his back. He pulled off her pants, whatever underwear she'd been wearing rolled down with her pants, she pulled them off her legs... now she was finally naked... trimmed, curly hair framed her glistening vulva, he moaned, fuck... she was so wet... she clenched her thighs as he spread her lips, her thick juices spilling down her inner thigh. He licked his lips, where to start? He smiled as he remembered what she'd said before blowing his mind, hmm, something like that will do...

"Commander Jane Shepard, requesting permission to ravish you repeatedly, actually, screw that, I'm GOING to ravish you repeatedly!" He let out a growl as he looked up to her flushed face.

"You also have permission to screw me repeatedly straight after the ravishing... Joker..." She winked, bringing one of her legs over his shoulder.

Lowering his lips, he planted a gentle kiss at the entrance to her vagina, Shepard clenched her thighs again, letting out a little sigh. He began to kiss up and down, then introduced his tongue, that was when she'd started moaning...

"Ahhh! Jeff!" her cries had him thrusting his tongue deeper, her honey dribbling down his chin, God he was going to save that for later...

She was now screaming like a porn star, he used his fingers to go deeper, and sucked on her twitching clitoris, hungrily licking, kissing and breathing into her, she'd started to clench down on his fingers, and her moans filled his ears. Reaching with his free hand, he grabbed her buttocks and spread them, rubbing her fluids over her thighs and buttocks.

"Mmm... Ah.. AH! AH! AH! Jeff-" She moaned as the involuntary twitching began in her vagina, she bit her lip as he lifted her hips and buried his face between her lips, his fingers held her spread wide. "Jeff! Jeff! Aaaah! AH! AH!"

God she was squirting! He lapped it up and continued to twirl his tongue inside her, remembering those vids he'd watched... now... what was that ultimate position again...?


	3. Chapter 3

He trailed his tongue down her thighs, back up again and up her body, licking her every curve, cupping her breasts, rubbing his face in her hair. He was feeling feverish, and there was no time to get up onto the bed, God he was so hard... He knelt on the floor, so far so good, no broken bones...

"Commander... grab my shoulders..." he managed to whisper, his voice heavy with lust as he pulled her up onto his thighs, her pelvis lifting off the floor, he moved in closer, gripping her hips, rubbing his throbbing erection against her inner thigh. She grinned and thrust her pelvis higher as she gripped the back of his neck, then moved her hands down his shoulders. His hands still on her hips, he positioned himself at the entrance to her vagina, and as soon as she'd got her grip, he thrust inside.

"Aahhh!" He cried out loud, the feeling taking him by surprise, slipping in his entirety to her core, he pulled back and set the pace, his face buried in her breasts, hers in his hair. Fuck, there was nothing... NOTHING like this. "...Jane..." he choked out her name, nipping and sucking at her breasts, leaning over her to thrust deeper...

"Nnn... Ahhh... Joker... there... right there..." He thrust harder, her nails dug in further, she caught his ear with her teeth. She was being so rough... ah...

Jane thrust her hips into his... it was one of her fantasies come true, except for the music and the dinner and the... "OhmyGod... Jeff..Jeff!" She screamed... she could feel him hitting something that felt good, something she didn't know she had. "There! Harder!"

Her Lieutenant did as he was told and thrust harder, she could feel him, she could feel his everything, she pulled at the hair on the back of his neck as he licked and sucked at her chest and shoulder. "Fuck... Joker...Jeff...nnnnggg!"

His thrusts were getting slower and deeper, he let out a few moans as she gripped his hair and pulled her fingers up his back, his back arched as she wrapped her thighs around him tighter, he sped up again, hitting that spot each time, she was making incomprehensible noises, he bent her completely over and thrust into her, she started screaming his name, arching into him, holding him tighter, tighter, her honey dripping onto his balls as they tightened.

She pulled him closer, his breathing in her ear and his little moans turning her on, more and more, she rolled her hips back, his hand snaking down to rub her clitoris as he clenched his jaw. Her moans getting louder and louder, he rolled back her hood and thrust deeply, then stopped. She could feel the throbbing of her vaginal walls clenching him, could feel him rubbing her. He kissed her neck, and she dug into his hips. He kept rubbing her, taking her honey and rubbing her while swirling his hips.

"Fuck, Jane..." He murmured, pulling all the way out, and then thrusting sporadically, she gripped his skin, her moans turning to the screams he'd only heard Fornax stars make... ones who were getting fucked by Krogans... he could hear her nearing climax, but kept going, her moans changing tone, he pinched her nipples, and thrust until he could feel his balls tightening again, he shuddered and held her tightly as he came, his seed mixing with hers as she let go, her honey spraying over him as she shrieked his name.

...

Joker bit his lip and looked shyly at his Commander from between her breasts.

"I...can't believe we actually did that..."

She smiled, "I can."

"Is there something you're not telling me, Commander...?"

"Is there something you're not telling ME, Lieutenant? Like how you knew exactly what to do to get me off?"

Joker blushed, and buried his head in her chest. "...Iusedtowatchyoumasturbate..."

"WHAT? You mean there were CAMERAS? Joker!"

"I didn't put them there!" He buried his face deeper and held her breasts to his ears. "I only stumbled across them accidentally when I was deleting any footage there was of ME masturbating..."

...

_She couldn't get him out of her head, there was something about her helmsman that got her going... it might have had something to do with the fact that he was always sitting down... she just wanted to straddle him... kiss his neck, run her hands up his chest... before she knew it, she was on the floor with her toys, grabbing her breasts, touching herself... pretending he was with her... she couldn't manage to get herself off though, and lay in a heap, discontent. She pulled on her N7 shirt and Pyjak pajama pants and headed down to the cockpit..._

_._...

"I still have that footage. It happened to be the best night of my life... well... until tonight..." he smiled at her as he slowly made to stand up, she grabbed his arm.

"Mmmhmmm... now, where are you going Mr. Moreau...?" He pointed at the bed and motioned sleep, despite the fact he was far from wanting to. She spread her legs. "No you're not..."

His mouth formed a small o as he watched his seed mix with hers down her thighs.

"Shit...Shitshit...Commander... I'm sorry... I..."

"Jeff..." She warned, that wasn't the problem, the problem was that she was still up for some more... She brought her hand down to gather the mixture and cover her hand. She began to massage it over her breasts. He sat back down on the floor, and watched, curious. "You know... I... wanted you sooo bad that night... but I was too chicken shit to tell you..."

"That's okay Commander... I wanted you every night..." He blushed and lent in to kiss her.

...

_He drummed his fingers on the armrest, trying to ignore the man beside him, why couldn't they just let him fly the damned ship by himself? Every time the guy BREATHED it annoyed him, it didn't help that his doctor thought he was a God or something. Ugh, HE had more personality and charm, why couldn't the girls like HIM? _

_"Sophie, it's not like that... I'm with the Alliance... I can't just tell you everything if it's classified!"_

_Ugh, must be a clingy girlfriend or something, better not tell Chakwas. He could hear muffled crying, and the disconnect sound._

_"Nice going, jerk face, now she's never going to marry you!" Joker laughed._

_"...That was my sister..."_

_"Uh-huh, sure, and the Commander's new protege will be a woman."_

_"What are you guys bickering about?" He mentally kicked himself, it was the Commander. "You'd better be writing your maintenance reports." _

_"Nothing... and no, I'm surfing the extranet..."_

_"Hah, Joker, tell me another one..."  
_

_"Commander, will your new protege be a woman?" Alenko asked suddenly, a grin spreading across his chiseled features... bastard..._

_"Maybe, why? You guys looking to score? I can always hire a couple of Asari, if you're THAT desperate..."_

_The whoosh of the airlock surprised all three of them, but Anderson was the one to speak._

_"Welcome aboard the Normandy, Shepard."_

_Androgynous footsteps followed the Commander to the helm, and came to rest just behind Joker. He looked over to Alenko, who raised an eyebrow._

_Joker's omni-tool chimed, it was a message from Alenko; 'It was my siste_r. _She wanted to know why I wouldn't be there for her sixteenth birthday.' _

_Ahhh, crap... hands came to rest on the top of his chair, as he felt his hat lift off his head._

_"This is cute, I didn't know they made caps, Commander!" A gorgeous, slightly husky, contralto filled his ears. It was a woman... he wasn't going to look.  
_

_"Haha, Shepard, I think you should give our pilot his hat back. Should you fear his wrath."_

_"Oh..? He's got a reputation?" The woman, Shepard, questioned._

_"Yeah," Alenko laughed. "He doesn't get laid much, so he's pretty uptight."_

_Gah, could he just die now...?_

_"Kaiden... is it?"_

_"Yes ma'am!" Joker saw him shoot straight up in his chair, and salute. he slumped in his own chair, uncomfortable.  
_

_"Uptight virgins shouldn't insult their superiors... what do you even do up here?" He could feel hands resting on his shoulders, she was defending him... God, did she know about his Vrolicks? She knew about his Vrolicks didn't she...?_

_"He's my co-pilot..." Hearing his own voice surprised him. _

_"Hmmmm... you know... Jeff is it...?"_

_"Joker."_

_"Joker, well. You shouldn't let anyone push you around." She lent in to whisper, "Even if you are a little uptight. It's okay." She gave his shoulders a friendly squeeze, and popped his hat back on his head.  
_

...

"I didn't know you couldn't handle my womanly charms, Joker." She giggled.

He could feel his skin getting warmer as the blush spread down to his chest. She'd started stroking his hip... the same place she'd grabbed him when she'd dragged him out of the Normandy. That was his secret erogenous zone, and she must have known it...

"I can handle anything you do to me, Commander..." okay, that was a lie, a BIG lie. He couldn't handle any of it, and that's why he loved it. Her hands were roaming again... not there... Shit!

"I'm flattered Joker. I love it when you stand to attention." She began stroking him, feeling him harden under her fingertips.

"Shut up..." He growled, burying his face in her neck.

"I love you..."

He stopped breathing, she didn't... she didn't... she...

"I love you." She repeated, feeling him tense against her, she ran her fingers down his hip. "Jeff... I've always loved you..."

She held him close and before he could say anything, she stood up, pulling him with her and carried him bridal style to the bed. His chest was now heaving, she was saying everything he wanted to say to her... everything he'd been too scared to say while ravaging her.

"Co...mman...der..." He gasped, his voice sounded foreign to him, breathy and choked up as she lay him down, and reclined next to him, her head propped up on her hand.

"Oh come on Joker... I thought you knew..." She trailed her other hand up and down his chest, then teased up and down his length.

"All I knew... was that kiss..." He frowned at her as she lent over him.

"You mean the kiss I was too afraid to give you because I was afraid you didn't like me? Plain old Commander Jane..."

"How could you not know I liked you? Commander... I blush like a little boy around you! Ahh-" He moaned and arched his back. Growling, he rolled onto his side and gave her a rough kiss, his legs entwining with hers and began rubbing himself against her. Slipping his hand between her legs, he began to caress her vulva, increasing the pressure he was using. He kissed her neck and chest, and slipped his dripping erection between her legs and began to rub against her wet lips. She'd pulled herself closer, and had begun to moan in his ear as he rubbed expertly with his fingertips.

"Mmmm... how are you so good at this...?" She arched her back and pressed herself into his fingers. "I'm nearly there already..."

He chuckled as he thrust his fingers inside, she was even wetter than before...

"Because I love you..." he whispered. It was barely audible, and he wasn't sure if she'd heard him or not, but she let out a happy sigh, and gripped his shoulders. He stopped thrusting between her legs and slowly drew his hips back, using his fingers to guide himself as he positioned his dripping head at her entrance. He nuzzled her neck and thrust inside.


End file.
